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When you have been through the cycle once, you just know.
Familiar how it begins.
After you lose someone, eventually someone else comes into your life. They are there for you at your lowest point and you spend more time with one another. You're unsure if it is love that you feel yet you try to give all your feelings, all the love and sorrow hoping that this person will mend your fragile and broken heart. Hoping that this person is going to be the one that will replace the one that got away. That is how it starts and it is probably karma that it has to happen all over again.
Sounds familiar? All over again.
But I guess once you have been through this, you tend to be able to accept it a lot better when you face such situations again. Because that is after all how reality works. Life messes with your mind and heart but eventually you will come to terms and find peace.
It is only when you are apart from a person, leave them to be, clear your mind and look at the bigger picture that you can see what they are capable of doing. And how you truly feel about everything. To me, the words, the history, and tears mean nothing if a person can change in such a short time. Perhaps the decision has been right all along, and time was just waiting for something to be done. If I hadn't do something and confront we would not have seen how fast things turnover. Or how happy one can become when he finally moves on and finds a perfect companion. And then you realize that you should have done it earlier so as to save the other person's time and happiness.
I'm not a selfish and unreasonable person but I'm still struggling to understand how fast feelings can change overtime and that sometimes sweet words are only meant to be chewed, digested, swallowed and forgotten. Doesn't help with my gold fish memory. But it is easier to fill an empty space in your life than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where you used to be. If you cannot be yourself, then what are you waiting for?
Everyday I wake up telling myself, "Stay true to yourself, Rach!" and give myself a hard knock on the head. But I know that chances must be taken, mistakes must be made and lessons learned for one to grow up. Nothing beats an experience of this vicious cycle.
On a happier note, Monkey is back and I'm not the only happy one, this little fella is happier because he ain't lonely no more :)
But on the other hand, I decided to let Chuckles (my penguin) go but I know that he will always be in my heart and I hope he will be well taken care of.
