Rachel Kristen
live, love, laugh. Just the way I like it.
This page has been left unattended for the longest time. I've never really enjoyed writing unless it is to express what's on my mind. So this month marks a new beginning for me. I swear life always surprises you when you least expect it and I have to pick myself up a few years ago I was exactly how I felt right now and I wrote it all down, somewhere that I never want to reopen and read again.
***
As a young girl I dreamt about the day I would meet prince charming and walk down the aisle with the man of my dreams in a nice pastel gown. I dreamt of a small simple ceremony with only loved ones and friends. I dreamt of the one who'd guide me and love me no matter how bad things can get. Because naive as I am, I believed wholeheartedly that love conquers.
But that thought was thrown away after going through a tough time back then, so when that happened this girl felt there was no more giving and told herself to be a little more selfish. Because there is no one out there she can count on but herself. Then came one day she met a boy whom all he did was make her laugh and believed again. It didn't take long before they fell in love, head over heels and butterflies in the stomach pure like the love we find in high school. He gave her strength and faith again to give this fairytale a chance, although her stubborn mind would always deny the fact that she believes in fairytale any more.
They built memories, laughed, fought and loved like two young souls in love. And that was enough.
Until one fine day when the boy realizes that maybe it is afterall meaningless and thinking of what might go wrong, envisioning every domino that could fall because of a setback is not worth any heart ache and pain. A friend once told me that men and women function differently in relationships. Women give minimal at the beginning and a hundred percent as it grows, but men on the other hand starts off with full fuel one hundred percent slowly deducting every pinch of fault and flaws until they eventually reach zero. But if that were true, why do people still believe in happily ever after?
***
The last twenty five years of my live have taught me that nothing ever goes the way we planned and think. Be it the good or bad. When we plan for the worst we realize it is not that bad afterall. And when we plan for the good, it sometimes disappoints us. Whether it is finding the right job, university, courses or partner, the fact remains that none of us would know what would happen. When has things ever go the way we want to, anyway?
But life in my eyes is fragile and precious. Imagining and worrying about the future sometimes serves no purpose, that's when I remind myself to live life without regrets and just be happy. And that's all I want to be at this moment, right now.
