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Honestly, my learnings.

Sunday, June 1, 2014, 10:45 PM
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I see a lot of articles being shared especially those from Elitedaily and Buzzfeed, the 10 things you should do before you're 30, signs you know if he is the one kind of articles. And it got me thinking, we shouldn't take everything as it is, instead take it with a pinch of salt.

As June draws near I'm also turning a year older in a month's time. When I look back one year ago I was this girl who sort of knew what she wanted, working hard towards it and grateful for the things that happened. Given that 2012 was a whirlwind, 2013 was a great year for me taking out all the unfortunate events that happened. I'm a very restless person, that I admit and having conversations with various people got me thinking, what exactly do I want? Where do I want to be and what kind of person do I want to live with for the rest of my life? How am I doing so far? So many questions in my head, Danie thinks it's quarter life crisis. Which is probably true, I remember Khairie telling me that his lasted until now, and he's already 29 this year. I am also very uptight, still am (but not as bad =P) meticulous and a perfectionist. On a happier note, still kinda sociable haven't lost my mojo yet. Though at times I just want to bury myself in pillows. I have this weird relationship with pillows, cannot live without them (note: reference to more than one, two, three, maybe four pillows) but they also give me swollen eyes at times.

Anyway back to the questions. How am I doing? Okay I suppose, I've sort of trained myself in a you-gotta-swim-or-you-will-drown kind of way. Sometimes I wonder where I get my faith and strength from, my job requires me to give others' strength and motivate others. Day and night. I've also grown to be a lot more patient, my threshold stretches with age too. Maybe it's because the more things we experience, the more jaded you are, and you just take things as they come eventually. By motivating others, I feel happy seeing the satisfaction on their faces when a team mate seals their first or biggest deal. I also enjoy sharing what I've gathered from years of working in the industry with the freshies. That brings me to the second part of this blog post.

Learning. We are always taught that we will never stop learning. In fact now I remember (Ancora Imparo meaning I am still learning- the uni I was at practiced it too) and that's something I strongly believe should apply to us in all walks of life. Today a childhood friend shared that he needed to make a decision before anything could happen. And I told him that we always have a choice in whatever we do. We also make decisions everyday i.e. what to eat, what to wear, where to go etc. so that shouldn't be a problem. The question is whether they are good or bad choices. And deep down there's always fear that we make a bad one. But my answer to him was whether they are good or bad, we eventually learn and gain something out of it.

It's true because I've made bad choices in my life, I believe all of us have once. But if I could turn back time, I would still go ahead with the choices I've made because otherwise I won't be me today. As cheesy as it sounds, I don't want any regrets or what ifs to be floating in my head.

On another note, though dad and I rarely have long conversations it's always the how are yous, how are things, how's work whenever I visit home. Speaking of home, I miss home. I am however, happy to know that even though I'm alone in this city dad still knows the real me. The silly, goofy and young side of me. Why young you ask? That's because my day to day have always been dealing with various kinds of individual, managers who are mostly older than me. They say you need to speak their language and so most people think I'm way older than I actually am. Which sometimes sucks and it gets tiring. So anyway dad made me realize that you don't have to be with your loved ones to know that they love and care for you. You just..know.

And that feeling is something we grow through learning about each other and conversing throughout these years. Though there have been many hiccups, ups and downs I've learned to differentiate feelings with facts.
Because it's Daughter's week (I never knew existed) he commented that "Rachel ain't so bad, independent, sociable and hardworking, anyway she knows I love her like life itself" and that made me tear. I've been holding my tears back they don't come easy unless it is somebody that means the world to me. Sometimes I wish I didn't have emotions because when it hurts, it cuts right through me. So I guard my emotions with the strength I have left.

Where do I want to be? Honestly like my job I'm a nomad, really. Home is where my heart is.

I've had a lot of time to think about my life and what I want instead of what other's want and need, for once.

And honestly, I don't have a concrete answer. I guess a part of us know what we need, but not what we want. Physically, I want to be fit. Emotionally, I want to be happy. Mentally, I want to inspire. How so? I don't know. Still discovering that and I believe, I will continue to discover that as time goes on.

What sort of person I imagine spending the rest of my life with? With every failed relationships, we learn about what we want and do not want in our partner. Of course there are no ideal or perfect person. The one in my dictionary is someone we accept completely and who can accept us completely despite all the petty fights, flaws and imperfections and is constantly being motivated by the love we have for each other. I read the other day that couples who fight often are most likely stronger than couples who do not. But it's not the fighting that makes them stronger, it's what takes place after the fighting. The making up. It's coming to the realization that your relationship is more important than your differences. We learn to forgive and accept one's mistakes. You fight and you learn something new about the person and that's how it really works. Real relationships aren't perfect and perfect relationships aren't real.

Then it got me thinking. I want to be with someone whom I can say, "I don't want to fight with anybody else but you". He would understand me and my we-gotta-forgive-and-forget-and-enjoy-life-because-it's-too-short and we never know what may happen tomorrow kind of perception of life. Let's just say my views are all stemmed from my previous experience but I don't think it is any bad, in fact it's a learning that I would carry with me for the rest of my life.

We should never be complacent and stuck in our comfort zone because otherwise life would be meaningless and boring. E.g. You don't want to keep working, nobody grew up wanting to just work. I've also learned that we should constantly reinvent ourselves, strive to be better, to learn new hobbies, try new food, do things that we usually wouldn't do. Not because of anybody else, but for ourselves. And by doing so, we surprise ourselves, we discover that some things aren't that bad after all.

And life is..in fact made out of surprises.

June, please be good to me.

Xx

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